Rose Colored Glasses No More
by soulmatesDC
Summary: Casey sees her relationship with Derek for what it really is. Short, oneshot.


A/N: This story is not sweet, or fluffy, or anything like the other stories I've written. I wouldn't exactly call it dark, but it definitely isn't cheerful. It was my first attempt at something that is not sickeningly sweet. I do hope you all like it, but I hold no expectations.

Special thanks to Cass and Steph for the wonderful words that I am still skeptical about (did you honestly think I wouldn't be? – do you know me at all:-P).

Enjoy and review

Disclaimer: I own nothing

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The control you have sickens me to the point of vomiting. It hits at the most inopportune times and I do my best to try and control the emotions that well up inside of me. You must see it in my eyes, but the blank expression on your face tells me the same thing each and every time.

You just don't give a shit.

And I have to ask myself, did I really think you ever would? Sure, in the beginning it was all sunshine and rainbows. I drew stupid hearts all over the corner of my papers and discreetly put our initials in them. You made me smile and I thought I changed you.

Now, I realize that it was I who changed. And it wasn't for the better. It was to accommodate you and your feelings. It was so that I could still fit into your world. It's always for you, isn't it?

I remember a time when our secret meetings were things I looked forward to. The small gestures that no one would see, the appraising looks I would receive when no one was watching. I felt like we had this special secret. It was ours and no one could take it away.

But how exactly could they take away something they would never know was even there? I'm not naïve. I understand that our situation isn't the best and that people are judging. I get that we would have hard times and things wouldn't always be simple.

I never thought that you would cause any of those terrible things that I only imagined others would inflict on us. I never thought that it would be you to inflict those things on me.

Okay, so I guess I was naïve. I did think we would be together and you only encouraged my thoughts. The sweet things you whispered in my ear would have me grinning for days. I would neglect everything around me just thinking about the next words that you would say to me. And I would take whatever it was you would give me, even if it was hurtful because others were around.

I don't exactly know when my rose-colored glasses came off. It seemed like there was once a time when the things that traveled from your lips to my ears were passed through a filter. And suddenly, the filter disappeared and I heard exactly what you were saying.

How did I ever think that you saying 'You're hot for a klutz' was romantic? Was there actually a time that I found all of your derogatory words appealing? And to think I actually agreed to us seeing other people to throw others off our trail.

The questions began to arise. Was it me? Was it because I'm not a blond? Because I'm not vapid and ditzy and like all the other girls?

No, I realized. It's not because of what I'm not. It's because of what I am.

I'm gullible. I try to see the good in people, even you. I allowed you to use me and I just took it because I thought we would work out in the end.

I didn't realize that there needed to actually be a beginning for an end to eventually come along.

Their scent lingers you know. But I'd always lie to myself and pretend like it was my perfume. It at first made me feel special that you wouldn't hold on to one girl for a substantial amount of time. I thought it was because you couldn't attach yourself to someone else for too long because I was enough. I was deluded. You just couldn't get enough. There are too many flavors out there and you just need to try them all.

I'd tell myself that they didn't matter. I was the one you came to at night. I was the one in your bed, the one that would make you lose yourself. Their scent would melt away and ours would prevail. It's a sick game I play with myself, to see how long it would take before I couldn't smell them anymore.

When I first grasped the concept that we actually have nothing at all, I didn't know why I didn't end things. A clean break would have been easy. You seemed to be getting chummy with fewer girls. Some even past the four day mark you allotted them before tossing them aside.

It would have been so easy, but I didn't allow it to happen. I continued to go to you, or accept you when you came. I smiled at your words, even as I cringed inside. I waited for you all the time, just to have one small moment with you.

The reason hit me like a ton of bricks. You killed me. You killed the person I was. I am now a hollow puppet. I am devoid of all emotions and it's all your fault. And the only way to rectify the situation is to get revenge.

You're a bastard Derek Venturi. You play games, but you don't realize that I'm a fast learner. I will turn the tables around on you and I know I won't be hurt when this is all over. I've hurt enough and you have made it where I will never let myself get hurt again. Because if you do eventually change, you've changed me to the point that it wouldn't matter anymore.

So I'll school my features and play the game you taught me. I'll treat you exactly the way you treated me. I'll make you believe in my lies and watch you fall. I'm going to break your heart Derek, just like you broke mine a long time ago.


End file.
